Every time I see someone my age doing better than I am, it hits me.

We're taught to clap for others, to celebrate their wins, knowing that when our time comes, they’ll do the same for us.

But my first instinct? It’s usually something else.

Part of me feels genuinely happy for them, but most of me? It’s already caught up in questions:

What do they have that I don’t?

What am I missing?

Did they just get lucky?

Or are they actually smarter?

Am I even on the right path?

I’ll still drop a “Congrats, bro” or leave a like.

But inwardly, I’m wrestling with why I can’t appreciate someone’s success without comparing it to my own situation.

I’m grateful, at least, for self-awareness. I catch myself in these moments. I don’t ignore them.

I dig into them, trying to figure out what’s driving the feeling—and how I can learn to live with it.

Because here’s the truth: with inner conflict like this, and really any emotional struggle, there’s no easy fix.

There’s no magic mindset shift that makes it vanish. You just learn to dance with it.

Over time, I’ve found my own steps for that dance, and today I want to share them with you.

We’ll look at why we compare ourselves to others, why it hurts us more than we think, and how we can reframe comparison in a way that actually benefits us.

Let’s get into it.

Comparison: An Holistic View

We all seek to be happy, but how we define happiness differ from one person to the other.

Many see it as an internal state where your past, present and future is in equilibrium.

Most look to external things as a source of their happiness. Money, Status, etc.

The later is the catalyst of comparison.

Wanting money, status, the latest shoes, clothes etc., is a desire.

Getting them brings a satisfaction of that desire but it doesn't last long.

When satisfaction fades the void is filled with another desire for you to chase.

And the cycle continues.

You mistake the satisfaction of a desire as happiness and this is where the problem is.

Comparison arises when we see in others what we think we’re missing, as if they hold the key to that elusive happiness.

But often, the gap we feel is one we’ve created ourselves.

That gap attracts anxiety, fear, worry, self-doubt, and many other emotional turmoil's leaving you to feel terrible.

Let Go Of Your "Self"

When you compare yourself to others, you're often trying to evaluate or reinforce your identity your self-worth, achievements, or even your image.

This need to gauge where you “stand” stems from a desire to protect and affirm a particular self-image.

However, holding tightly to that image can become a burden.

Constant comparison not only reinforces a sense of inferiority but also binds you to expectations of what you “should” be.

This can drive you to chase what others have or reach for society’s markers of success, hoping they’ll make you feel whole.

But remember, the best life isn’t the one Assigned to you—it’s the one you design. And to design something, you need a blank slate.

Let go of the identity assigned to you and fill yourself with ideas that are your own.

When you do, your standards will come from within, not from what society claims you need to be.

You Are Your Own Yardstick

The only form of comparison you should indulge in is the one between you and yourself.

How can I be better than I was an hour ago?

How can handle this situation better?

Growth is about being fluent in who you are.

it’s about getting to a place where you understand and accept yourself so thoroughly that you no longer need external validation.

Comparison is a natural response, but when you cling to it, it becomes a weight that holds you back from what’s truly possible.

By letting go of the need to measure yourself against others, you’re freeing yourself to live a life designed from your own values, goals, and vision.

Remember, fulfillment isn’t found in chasing someone else’s dream; it’s found in cultivating your own.

When you let go of the “self” that feels incomplete, you can start to see that your path is yours alone, with its own unique pace and purpose.

So next time you catch yourself slipping into comparison, pause.

Reflect on what you’re seeking—and instead, shift your focus toward who you’re becoming.

That will be all for today

Enjoy the rest of your Saturday

~ Tolu

Goal Update:

Last week I embarked on a Journey to earn $100k in the next year and I promised to send you updates weekly on how things are going.

In the last week I and my partner David of 5th Circle came up with an entry level offer that we can pitch through cold mails and Dm's.

I can't speak much on the offer but in the coming weeks we will roll it out and the goal before 2024 runs out is to get our first client.

Wish us luck!

Incase you don't know, 5th Circle is a creative fulfilment agency for creators looking for a means to outsource some of their robotic tasks so they can focus on the bit they enjoy doing the most - creating